I Have Gained So Much More Than I Lost ~ Helen's Story
by Helen
(Cleveland,Ohio)
Helen & youngest daughter Brittany
On July 14, 2007, a man I had been dating for 3 weeks asked if I wanted to go for a ride on his motorcycle. He didn't tell me his tires were so worn he had an appointment the next day to have the tires replaced. So off we went for a ride. At 12:03am, July 15, the rear end of the bike slid out from under us. The right side of my head hit the road. Then I bounced up and the left side of my body hit a Ford F-350 parked on the side of the road.
I ended up at the only Level One Trauma Unit in the area. I wouldn't trade MetroHealth Medical for any other hospital! I had broken pelvic bones, including a hip that looked like a drunk spider had laid a web all over it, and a sacrum broken in three places. The top of my bladder ruptured. My eardrum was torn in four places. Eight days later my intestines viscerated.
The worst injury was to my brain. My Temporal, Parietal, and the Occipital lobes were injured and bleeding.
My daughters were told that I might not make it. If I did, I might never walk again. But even if I walked, my brain recovery was uncertain at best - they needed to start looking for a long term care facility for me.
I have so very few memories of the next 3 weeks. I'm sure they are memories I'd prefer to never recover. Some the girls share with me - the funny ones. But mainly I was violent. I kicked, hit, bit, anyone that came never me. I was sedated and physically restrained to protect my caregivers and prevent me from further damaging my body.
Three weeks later I was moved to the TBI floor. Suddenly I knew where I was, and why I was there...but I had no idea where the "me" that was "me" could be found. I was lost somewhere in that poor injured brain. One the second day, my friend came in after work and asked what I had done that day. I told her I had rode my wheelchair down the stairway. Same on the second day, and the third. The 4th day - well that day I answered the same, and then told her "No. I know I'm missing something there. Don't help me. I'll find it." She told me she always knew I would, now do it! I spent the next 27 hours awake, telling everyone leave me alone, I was working. What I was doing was having the undamaged parts of my brain argue with the injured. Telling me to come on, you know how to do this. The injured part saying No, I can't. I don't know how. I'm lost. Twenty seven long hours later, looking out the window at the new shopping center being constructed that I thought I would never be able to go to, it hit. My uninjured brain asked what do you do when the kid says "Mom, you know movie XYZ? Who plays Fred?" How do you find the actor's name when it doesn't hit right away? Injured brain responded "I don't know. I don't know....Wait....a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h....I rolled my wheelchair down the hallway! Like magic, at that moment, 90% of me came back. Speech therapy was like night and day. The therapist was amazed. After that, I only struggled for words, for multitasking, for everything when I was very tired.
Today, I volunteer on the TBI floor. You see, I always think God is sitting up there waiting to see what this says to you and what you do with it. To me, if one person hearing me say "I've been where you are, I've done what you're doing, and look at me now." helps them settle inside and fight just a little harder, I've heard what I was suppose to hear and done what I'm suppose to do.
Next month, at 50, I start school. I will go for the next 9 years, until I have my PhD in Psychology. Why? Because volunteering I discovered that something that goes on in my brain, that I thought was unique to me, we all do, no matter what part of our brain was injured. We "hide." We do it when we're in the hospital. We do it years later. If we hide, the medical community can't help us reach our full potential. I'm determined to research where, why, and how to teach patients to turn off the hiding. In the years it takes me to go to school, I'm determined to find patients that recognize the "hide", and are willing to start educating the people that care for us. They can help us, and those after us, if we do.
Truly, if I was taken back to that day, and told what was going to happen, I would still get on that motorcycle. I have gained far more than I've lost.
